Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
