We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we have pet lesbian snakes
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We're too hungover to prance.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
