OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
