I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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