Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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