problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
