I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
