I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
