i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Randomize
