There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
