Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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