hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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