I don't think brook has ever known best
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
