life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
