new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
