More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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