I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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