I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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