So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
