Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
