Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
