Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
