who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
