He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
