that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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