I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This is my gift to your gina
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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