His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When are your genitals available?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
