shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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