did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
