That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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