I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
