He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
