Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
