i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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