Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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