How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
