How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
