here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
