Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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