a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
