I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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