mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I bet he comes in French.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize