How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
