Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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