I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
