I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
