I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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