Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
