i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
