you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
