He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
