OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
