i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
