this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
