So drunk its hurt
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
