her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
