Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
