i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize