I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
