I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
