Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
