I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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