I just cut my nipple shaving
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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