Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
