Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
