i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
