I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
