i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
